I love blogging, honestly. I love having a creative outlet, a place to share my thoughts, and meet other great friends. I like to blog about the funny, happy times in my life and goofy things like being single and traveling and being in a sorority and just the happiness that is life.
Sometimes, though, it isn’t all fluff and happy times. Sometimes shit happens and sometimes, like now, I decide to blog about it.
|Picture from my vacation last week… just because 🙂|
Somewhere along my twenty years of life, I got in my head that I was never going to be enough. We all have our “demons” and I have low self esteem. Compared to where I was a year ago, I have made LEAPS of improvements. But sometimes I still feel like I’m not enough.
I’m not a good enough Christian.
I’m never going to be a good girlfriend and I’m going to be single forever.
I’m not a good enough friend.
I’m not actually smart, I’m just good at faking it in school.
My depression and anxiety will always define me: I’ll always be the weird girl who takes pills and goes to therapy.
My sensitivity will inhibit me from getting married and starting my own family.
The list goes on and on.
This summer has been amazing. Moving to a new state, starting over, making new friends? All wonderful, challenging, but exciting things. Unfortunately, every SINGLE one of those thoughts listed above has creeped into my head this summer. And because I have anxiety, I’ll mull it over and think about it for way too long. I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself, which means a lot more time for self reflection. Unfortunately, I also spent a lot of time with someone who constantly put me down (“joking”, but still not okay) and made me feel unappreciated and uninteresting (we are just going to leave it at that).
Combine the two, and I have definitely been fighting some battles this summer (just like everyone else in the whole wide world is, I’m sure).
I need to change my inner mantra to I am enough.
I’m a good enough Christian.
I am a good person who is deserving of love and attention.
I’m a hard worker and smart.
I’m not defined by my struggles with anxiety and depression.
My sensitivity is a trait that God created, which makes me a good friend and will make me an even better wife and mother.
I want to look back on my twenties and notice that they are filled to the brim with memories where I was with people who celebrated and cherished me. Don’t you?
I want to feel like I am enough.
And I want my friends and family to ALWAYS know that they are more than enough to me.
What is an inner mantra you tell yourself?