Grab a cup of coffee, friends. Let’s have some real talk!
I mentioned in my post a few weeks ago that March was sort of a difficult month for me. Nothing really happened, but I still felt out of it. And truth be told, we are halfway through April and I’m still feelingslightly out of it. When is this going to pass?!
Lately, I’ve just been feeling like I’m sort of stuck in a rut. Wake up, go to work. Bust my butt at a job (where I have coworkers who could care less and get paid just as much as me, just saying), then tutor for an hour or two. Come home and grade more or think more about my job. Then, maybe make it to a yoga class or grab a drink, go to bed, and repeat over and over and over. Kind of depressing, right? Last night, I walked into Chinese class with tears in my eyes, feeling so overwhelmed with life and frustrated in general.
The truth is, I have a good life and I am happy. I have a lot of friends, a job I care about, the ability to think and
learn and travel. I can’t help feeling, however, like there are so many questions and things I’m pondering. It’s official, I’m having a quarter life crisis.
Love Life//What am I looking for? Sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me because I haven’t had a real relationship in the past two years. I’ve gone out dates or casually dated someone, but I haven’t actually had a boyfriend since April 2013. Everyone tells me I’m only 22, I need to calm down and stop worrying about this, but it’s just really hard to date living abroad. And I cannot help the reality that I really do want
to be a wife and a mother.
Future Plans// I am so excited to eventually further my degree.. but in what, exactly? And when should I start it? I am in China for at least the next year and a half… can I really take a class online when my internet is so
horrible? And WHERE THE HELL am I going to teach when I’m done living in China? Should I move back to the states? Stay abroad?
The answer to how I’m feeling should really be explained through my faith… right? However (just being honest here), right now I’m experiencing some stagnation in my faith. I can’t seem to find a good devotional/Bible
Study to fill my quiet time, so instead I’m just saying half assed prayers and staring at the ceiling. Or even worse… not spending anytime with the Lord, which makes how I’m feeling worse. Not exactly what the Lord wants from me, or what I really need in my quiet time.
Has anyone else questioned the meaning of life/the reason behind all of this/ felt like they were 22 and the world was maaaaaaybe ending? #Dramatic
I'm Rachael, and welcome to my blog! Here you'll find stories about life abroad, living in China, blogging tips + tricks, and what I'm reading. I'm fueled by hot tea, bright lipstick, and red wine. Stay a while--I'm so glad you're here.